This is a guest post by Christie at IntrovertZone.com
a blog where she writes about how introverts can be happy at work and at play.
People put others into boxes all the time. We’re usually not consciously trying to hurt anyone; we just do it as a shortcut to make things more manageable. By making assumptions and generalizations from what we’ve already observed about the people around us, we reduce everyone to quick and easy formulas instead of the complicated creatures they actually are.
I even hear people putting their own kids in boxes all the time. “He’s shy. He always acts like this.” Sometimes they are nice boxes we think are pretty containers, “She’s my little artist!” Often we build boxes for ourselves. “I’m not a morning person.” “I have two left feet.”
Familiar boxes may be comfortable sometimes, but since they do not allow for us to fully explore all of the things we might do or become, they don’t help us; they diminish us. And if we allow ourselves to get too comfortable in a box, we may never be able to grow personally to reach our full potential in each area of life.
What a shame if we are interested in writing or horseback riding or acting yet never try to write, never go on a trail ride, and never try for a part in community theater because “I’m not that type.” I hear that sort of thing all the time, even worse when it’s said to or about others, “YOU want to try that?”
To avoid embarrassment, some of us may be tempted to stay in our boxes because the people around us make such a big deal about it when we step out of them. One thing I always found very liberating about going to a new job or other situation is that no one already has me in a box. If I wear something new or announce I’m about to go hiking at Yosemite, no one says, “You’re not the dress-up type!” or “Yosemite! What are you doing!” but actually I have learned over the years not to let boxes contain me, because often life has ripped those boxes away from me (to be quickly replaced by other boxes I create).
When I was a teenager, I was positive I was hard-wired to be a morning person and a dog person. Then later my work schedule turned me into a night person, and the homeless feline at my door turned me into an avid cat person. It’s really not too hard to stretch those restrictive labels we create for ourselves, and sometimes the results will open doors for wonderful worlds we never imagined.
When I was in my mid-thirties, I thought I was getting pretty old and I lived a life I thought was appropriate for someone of such advanced age. I mainly played with computers, read fiction, walked nature trails, and cared for animals. But a mild injury to my arm led to a prescription for strength training.
I was secretly thrilled! I had always wanted to lift weights but thought that didn’t easily fit with the box I had created for myself. Soon I was going to the gym three times a week, and I added walking five miles each weekend morning plus whatever walking I could squeeze in after work because I loved it.
When I reached my 40th birthday I was stronger and fitter than I’d ever been in my life, and my life was very different than it had been in the old folks box I had resigned myself to earlier. Some things from the box were keepers, of course, but I did not need the restrictive box sides. I had burst out of a box labeled “Old and Settled.”
What box are people putting you into that you would like to break out of?
Sure, if you announce that you’re about to try something new, your family, friends, and coworkers might make remarks about it. They are much more comfortable when everyone stays in their assigned boxes! Who cares what they think!
photo credit: ZOE
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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
Nick, Thanks so much for giving me the opportunity to write this guest post on The Thrive Blog. This is an awesome personal development blog and I’m honored to have my post here.
.-= cb´s last blog ..Introvert at work! Please don’t interrupt! =-.
Good post Christie. It has me thinking about my own boxes and what I might do to change them. Thanks.
Thanks Christie, your post really made me start thinking about the boxes I’ve moved in and out of through the years. It’s funny, when I was a kid I didn’t really like sports (or so I thought). Now I wonder if that was a box people put me in because now I love sports and I’m on teams this fall for three different sports! It’s really interesting to see how I’ve moved from box to box through life.
.-= Charly´s last blog ..Thrive Learning Institute, Just Like Riding a Bike =-.
@Julie Thanks so much!
It’s amazing how many boxes we may be in that sometimes we just haven’t tried to get out of.
@Charly Isn’t it amazing – the labels we get in early life and how we seem to live up to them…for a while.
And yes, life has a way of forcing us out of our boxes sometimes, and we’re amazed at the things we can do that we never thought of before.
@CB Thanks for writing a great post. Such a great reminder that we can be whatever we want and we shouldn’t limit ourselves to others or our own perceptions.
Oh yeah, you also reminded me that I have some boxes in the garage that I need to unpack…dang…
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