For the extrovert…
You love to go out all the time. You love to talk about the latest reality television show. You love to gossip about the girl down the hall with all the boyfriends. You love to know everyone’s business. But, how do you deal with the person who does not respond to all of your good-time, free-flowing, high-level energy? How does an extrovert deal with an introvert?
Well, if you think you are going to pull them out of their shell and put them on your team, you are wrong. There is nothing more disrespectful than a blatant attempt to change one’s personality. By attempting to change an introvert into an extrovert, you are alienating a potential friend. You need to begin by knowing that the introvert probably thinks of you as shallow and not terribly intelligent. The introvert sees your extrovert personality as a mask, a phoniness, and because of the amount of your extraneous chitter-chatter, probably doesn’t trust you. In order to deal with the introvert, you will need to prove them wrong. By lowering your energy level, showing a genuine interest in the introvert, and making it very clear that you are not attempting to change them, a level of trust may begin to build.
You must also keep in mind that the introvert simply does not need you. They don’t need your attention, your flattery, or your social connections. They are quite happy in their introverted world. As an extrovert, that may seem hard to understand, but it is true. In fact, you may need them more than they need you.
Dealing with an introvert takes patience, kindness, and an understanding that people are different. In the words of D.H. Lawrence, “One man isn’t any better than another, not because they are equal, but because they are intrinsically other, that there is no term of comparison.”
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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi. I like the way you write. Will you post some more articles?
Thanks, I have more articles in the pipeline. What about my writing do you like?
hi, the article is nicely written –
i must say, i feel a little guilty now since i just realised iv been trying to change my husbands personality when i thought i was helping him by bringing him out of his shell. thanks for the insight.
@taneem, Thanks. I wouldn’t feel too guilty, it is a common misconception that introverts are shy and anti-social. Personally, when I better understood how introverts function, the less frustration I had. I am an introvert, but I am not shy at all, I may not talk to everyone but I’m definitly not shy.
Hi Nick,
I recently come to like an introvert, age 36, male, single. Thing is, I do not know if he likes me. He is rather quiet and hardly displays his feelings, it is hard to read him. I think he is quite fond of me but he always maintains a distance, so I am confused. How does one tell? How do I express my liking for him without coming across as intrusive? Thank you.
What a wonderful post – you said it so well! I feel like printing it out and putting it on the door of my office! In fact I would do just that, except that it would attract a crowd.
IntrovertZone´s last blog ..Don’t ask this introvert to repeat herself
Yep, this is a great entry. I like the part where you mentioned that it is disrespectful to try to change a person’s personality. I’ve had a few people try to guilt me into being different, but I didn’t feel guilty about being introverted, so I didn’t pay attention to what those people said. People have different personalities and those differences should be respected